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16 March 2011 @ 01:18 am
In which Effie gets shot down and cries.  
 It was the typical morning for the two, rolling on Atticus' bed as they both tried getting the upper hand. Right now, Effie was pitifully winning, having straddled his cousin's waist but failed to pinned down his arms. Even pushing all his weight down on the hands interlocked with his, he couldn't get the arms to fold any further than elbows on the sheets. Trying to catch his breathe, every word that managed to come out of Atticus' mouth was Effie, Effie, Effie, peppered with laughter and wheezing.

The younger boy, pressing down on the joined hands, just grinned back a Atty, Atty, Atty.

Trevor! He yelled, still laughing and Effie really hoped the neighbors were staring at their adjacent wall confused and baffled, the same images running through their heads as went through his.

Atticus! He sing-sang back. In the moment it took to lean forward again to tease him, Atticus kicked up, throwing him off balance. Effie quickly released the grip, trying to keep his upper hand and balance, and Atty's hands instantly went Effie's sides, tickling the smaller boy as he doubled over shrieking. No, no, no he laughed trying to push away the larger hands as Atticus just kept up the assault, yes, yes, yes!

Giving up, Effie rolled off as he lost the ability to breathe and Atticus rolled the side too, catching his breathe. The laughter faded down, and they were able to hear the television again. It had all started with Pokemon, and who was the best starter. Effie was a fire-type, prefering Charmander though Atticus ignored the classics, cutting to Piplup as the clearly superior choice. After the 'it only has two weakness in its final form' portion of the debate, Effie smacked him with a pillow, Atticus went rawr and tried pinning the boy and getting him to say uncle. That didn't go planned and the two started their typical rough-housing in the morning rountine. It was always over Pokemon, sometimes Land Before Time too.

With his chest slowly rising and falling with enough oxygen being sent all over, Effie just stared, still curled up a bit still in defensive mode as Atticus rolled back over to his back, then side, smiling that 'it isn't over' grin at him. Of course it wasn't, this was the fourth time they've had the argument. The teen relaxed a bit, listening to the soft motions of exhaled air, noting how close they were again. Uncurling slightly, he leaned over to place a kiss on the other's lips but Atticus just pulled away, the smile vanishing from his face for a short look of panic.

He tried to hide it, but the reaction was instant. Effie pulled himself into a tight ball, buring his head into a pillow, a blanket over his head. He didn't feel the other boy move, just sit up. He didn't need to see him to know what he was doing, pushing back his hair with that look etched on his face, the one of pity and misplaced desire. Mouthing the words into the pillow, Effie just hid away, hoping they're be different this time. They never were though.

"I'm sorry, Effie. You know I can't," he whispered out, expecting the fiery retort Effie always threw out. You can, you just won't! You kissed me before, why not now! You like me, why can't you just admit it! But he didn't say anything, just curled up tighted, not wanting the tears to fall, or the shivers to course through his body. He didn't want Atticus knowing he was crying, just swallowed all the pain. It didn't work as the bed dipped, and those arms were around him in an attempt to comfort.

"Don't touch me!" He snapped from under the blankets, and the slow withdrawal was as painful as ever. He wanted Atticus to fight it, not listen to him, stay there hugging him as he cried, but it never worked that way. He'd give up, get up, quickly getting ready for work but not leaving until he told Effie know the plans for the day, like he wasn't crying under blankets over him. Like everything was peachy keen and right with the world. Like they weren't cousins and in love.

Today was the same. He heard the footsteps after the tears stopped coming, the present lingering over him in the same unsure manner it did every day. "Effie, I'm sorry, I really am," he started, and Effie just tighten again, glaring the dull light fading through the linen. He didn't want to hear this. Just get to the spaghetti for dinner part, and leave. "I want to, I do, but I can't. You know this. Can't you just stop?"

"No, I can't!" He shot up, glaring at the shocked look on his cousin stepping back. "You stop! Stop playing these stupid games wth me, stop play fighting as a mean to get close in a safe context when you know what it does to me! Stop fucking with my emotions, Atticus!" There was no winning this. He untangled himself when the sheets, kicking a bit before he grabbed his shoes next to the bed. He'd been stupid last night, so fucking stupid. As if Atticus wanted anything when he invited him for a cuddle. Shaking his head mostly drive the heated sensation forming on the bridge of his nose away, he heard the jiggle of Meursault's collar, the one Atticus brought in case the little dog ever got away from Effie. With one glance pleading with the older man, just say one word, anything that'll make him better, the tiny prophet got up.

"I'm leaving." He didn't want to be New York anymore, he didn't even want to inhabit the state. It hurt, his parents never mentioned the physical pain of loving someone. But it was never unrequited for them, just him. 
"I'm not letting you sleep on the streets again," Atticus said, following after the boy down the stairs.
"I'm leaving New York. So, you can go fuck and have babies and a wife and a family if you want." Biting his lip, it hurt to even visualize that. He'd never be able to attend reunions, Atticus probably wouldn't even want him to. Atticus didn't want him period. It was probably all in his head, and he was too nice to crush his deluded cousin like the rest world would that his feelings were possibly returnable. Wiping away the second onslaught of tears, Atticus pulled him into a tight hug. Effie was too tired to pull away.
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